4-11-24
I’m sorry for how I made you feel. The shame you took on, the constant improvement. I was trying to mould you, I meant well, I wanted what was good for you, but we got into a rut, and you absorbed the feelings of not being good enough from me. I loved you, and you were frustrating me, and that made my affection contorting to you. You wanted to feel okay, you deserved to feel affection, but you also had real challenges to face, and got caught between wanting to feel okay as you are, needing to feel better, and craving to feel loved. I’m glad you’re more well now. It wasn’t fair to you to feel like you were under scrutiny often. It was also not good for me to be with someone who felt erratic to me. It was not a you thing, it was not a me thing, it was an us thing. We loved each other, and our love broke down. I’m grateful for what we shared. I’m sorry I hurt you. I remember you said I helped you, and I imagine that even though it made you angry and hurt, part of you remembers that I tried hard to love you, give feedback, be supportive, even if it was hard and imperfecf. I understand how it feels to be criticized; even if it’s rational and empathetic, it’s still criticism. You shouldnt feel under the knife all the time from a lover. I hope you are happy and have a happy life. You made a real positive difference in my life, you were my closest friend for a while, it was a blessing to share what we did. We learned a lot from each other, through each other. I know that we needed different things from a lover. I wish you peace and life all the days of your life. May the greengold jetstream carry you.