I think that an obstacle to my wellbeing is that I feel that if only I was living in this dreamy state where I was only doing the right things, and then the unreality of that repels me from the good things that I could do. The sense of shouldness is dominated by the superceding ideality. Maybe the things I recognize as noble are not primarily for my happiness or wellness or something. As if doing those things were for my self-betterment. I’m still in the aftermath of God.