There is a profound double negativity to life, to complexity. I struggle what to call it, because life implies something positive, in contrast to death, but we often also mean by “life” the cycle of life and death, nature, existence, reality. English is lacking, in this regard.

Then there is a juxtaposition between embracing the nature of reality and dismissing it, which kind of set up their own cycle. The openness to the cycle of life and death, the rejection of the cycle of life and death.

Do these represent, in a broader way, life and death themselves? Is the rejection of nature a more generalized form of death, something which is itself also “natural?” I don’t exactly think so. I don’t think this rejection of nature is “good,” so to speak. It feels wretched, evil, antipathic to existence itself. For a long time, I had conflated death and this antipathy to nature. Christianity certainly presents death as antipathic to nature. But that is because Christianity tends to equate the lower duality with the higher duality. The lower duality is that of nature’s positive (life) and negative (death). The higher duality is that of embracing nature (with its highs and lows) and resisting nature (selectively optimistic or pessimistic).

Does “embracing” nature mean feeling “positively” toward it, whatever that means? I don’t think so. I think embracing nature means going toward it rather than going away from it. It does not mean you like or dislike it. Usually, embracing reality means liking AND disliking it. It is nondualistically allowing both positive and negative to occur together, to concur, to coincide. On the other hand, dismissing reality is to choose between the highs and lows, to choose between life and death, self and other, pain and pleasure, etc. You can be optimistic, pro-life, and yet be antipathic to reality. You can be pessimistic, emo/goth, and also be antipathic to reality. It is plainer to see when lower tier pessimism aligns with higher tier pessimism. It is harder to see when lower tier optimism aligns with higher tier pessimism (someone who seems happy/positive but actually hates reality), or when lower tier pessimism aligns with higher tier optimism (when someone who seems dark actually loves the world).

The stirring for the unde-/undi- word is rooted in this double negativity. It is neither fixated nor opposed to reality. The subjective experience or quality or feeling of this is not other than the very force which generates the world. It is isomorphic with it, although it is not equivalent (interchangeable). Our subjective experience of the unde-/undi- is a specified form of a more generalized force. Here are my current wagers at what the word could be in English. There are many similar words that I don’t think fit for all scenarios, such as undistracted, and I would like to explain why in detail at some point.
– undetracted
– undisposed
– undiverted
– undistended
– undismissed
– undetained
– undepleted
– undistorted
– undissipated
Of these, I have strong feelings for each one in certain cases. When I experience places with natural purity, whatever that means, this is what is there. I might not have an emotional high, or I might. My feelings toward natural pristine beauty have been prostituted by consumerism, idealism, new age spirituality, evangelical christianity. It is hard for me to have pure feelings anymore, but still the desire for the divine splendor drives me on, it is plowing up all this hard ground. There is undistorted radiance at the headwaters of reality, and the headwaters are everywhere. Et lux perpetua, luceat eis.


July 30, 2023
Santa Lucia Mountains